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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dear Computer Gods....



Dear Computer Gods,

What diabolical Dark Lords in the computer programming world have you hired to technologically torture ordinary, computer-using mortals?  Do you derive sadistic pleasure from driving us to the brink of insanity?

The message, “Updates are Available for Your Computer,” relentlessly pops up on everyone’s computer.  Why are we needing to update so often?  I can understand updating on occasion, but the constant harangue is an unneeded barrage obviously designed by Computer Gods to toy with our minds. 

The update attacks are like an advanced game of Cat and Mouse, with the Dark Lords maliciously bombarding humans’ minds subliminally.  Chinese Water Torture has been used to make soldiers and spies crack, but this is more insidious.  Even after breaking, and installing the suggested updates, an hour later, the computer may pop up a message asking the user to install yet another update to the same program. 

There’s no logical reason to constantly be updating, unless the program is perhaps an anti-virus one.  Programs work fine.  To all who use a computer, know the Dark Lords are battering your mind, attacking relentlessly to make you submissive and easy to control.  Protect yourselves; fight.

In addition to update popups, the Computer Gods continue the assault on our minds via G-mail, Yahoo Mail, Thunderbird, Incredimail, and all the other e-mail clients.  We are reduced to pleading for our lives. 

Therefore, I, along with the rest of mankind, implore you, Computer Gods, to delete the dialogue box that automatically appears when sending e-mails that have nothing typed into the “subject” box.  I know the subject line is blank on certain occasions – I just want to send the e-mail. 

Please don’t make me click on anything – please don’t pop up a box!  I can’t take anymore!  First the updates…now the e-mail subjects!  No!  Not another “No Subject” warning!  No more update popups!  Please!  Noooo…not Java, too…….go…goo..mme..a..do.dhgkfyllntyp,vdleesl’……………

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