Paper Shredder Evil

My paper shredder yawns wickedly, showing his demonic, sharpened teeth as he lies in wait on the floor under the desk.  His belly is still full from the previous paper meal I’ve fed him, and he impolitely belches as he smirks at my reluctance to approach him again.  He guards his swallowed treasure with ferocity and vehemence.  Woe to anyone who tries to empty his treasures into the trash.

Paper shredders are mechanical dragons.  I’ve had two shredders in the past year, so I am familiar with the shredders’ beastly natures.  In addition to using his deadly incisors on unsuspecting victims, the Dragon Shredder can overheat, throwing flames toward anyone or anything that incurs his wrath.  He’s demonstrated this fiery tendency as well as his cutting skills on multiple occasions.

Believe me, it does not take much to incite the Dragon Shredder.  Anyone caught attempting to slip unopened envelopes into his smoky mouth will suffer for their impudence.  If I dare ignore staples embedded in my mail and endeavor to feed them to the scaly creature without removing them, the malevolent beast will turn on me. The evil beast can lock his metal jaws, and with an incredible, swift swipe of his beastly tail, reverse his gears to halt further intrusion into his territory. 

As I fearfully advance at this point with my metal staple remover sword to pull and pry jammed paper, staples, plastic, and credit card particles from his mouth, the Dragon Shredder turns on his magical shields; none of his buttons will work.  If I manage to escape to safety after an extended and vicious battle, and if all my fingers are intact and the house has not burned to the ground, it is a true miracle of survival. 

Meanwhile, the Dragon Shredder lurks in the darkness of his cave under the desk.  I know if there are future quests when paper shredding needs arise, I might not be so lucky next time to survive the onslaught of the Dragon Shredder.  Neither chain mail, a shield fashioned from a metal garbage can lid, nor my staple remover sword can protect me completely from the attack of a metal-jawed shredder.  Beowulf, wherefore art thou?