Who the Hell Is Mowing?

      On this damp, dismal, gray Friday morning, like so many other gloomy days of this summer, I cannot believe my ears!  Incredibly, I hear the sound of a lawn mower.  I instantly begin muttering to myself until it turns into a growl to no one in particular, and I bark out, "Who the Hell is mowing?" 

     I look out the window.  Yes, indeed, as I suspected, one of my neighbors is mowing his lawn.....again.  That's the second time this week he's mowed.  Why can't he, along with the rest of my neighbors, wait at least a week to mow?  What is wrong with these wackos?  No one needs to mow more than once a week.  Heck!  You could even wait a week and a half and that would be great.  Don't these mowing maniacs realize how bad they make other neighbors and their yards look?  Are they sadists?  Is this a competition and they are trying to mow before anyone else and achieve that elusive "one upmanship"?  They need help.

     Grass is a part of nature and should be revered and enjoyed.  It's a natural part of the environment, along with beautiful wildflowers and trees. Yes, it should be maintained, but do we prune trees every 4 or 5 days?  Do these eager beavers cut their own hair every 4 or 5 days?  Then why cut the grass so often?

     Why is there such frequent mowing in my neighborhood?  What possesses people to do this?  I find it incomprehensible.   Why does one neighbor have a lawn service come in to mow with their professional machines, and then he goes out when he gets home and re-mows with his push mower?  Do these certifiable folks have nothing better to do with their time except to play "Yard Man"?  Are these henpecked husbands?  Are these women who have an OCD streak?  Are they trying to outdo the Joneses?  What are they thinking?

     I realize some of my neighbors actually put fertilizer and other stuff  on their yards to make the grass grow even faster than normal.  Are they totally insane?  Think about it -- people put chemicals on their lawns to make grass grow faster so they can mow more often.  I think these people need to be committed.

     Do these frenzied fruit loops find pleasure in these economically depressed times in spending all their hard-earned money on gasoline to mow so frequently?  We should be helping our country and not using gasoline unnecessarily.  Grass can wait a week, or even longer, to be mowed.  What is the deal?

     I do not share this urgent, incessant compulsion to butch my grass and act in a frivolous manner by spending money and gasoline to scalp it to acceptable proportions as dictated by the neighborhood nut cases.  I may be semi-retired, but I refuse to mow more than once a week no matter how much my grass grows.  Thank goodness the house on one side of me is still for sale, and their yard looks far worse than my jungle.

      Stop mowing the grass so often, you fanatic freakazoids, or I will turn you in and Mother Nature will deal with you!!!

    For the rest of you, please join the Less Mowing Is Beautiful movement!  You don't have to mow so often.  You can enjoy nature, plus help save the environment.  You can save money.  C'mon -- you know you want to become a part of the "grass roots" movement!

Dear Jennifer Lopez,

Dear Jennifer Lopez,

I confess that I didn't know much about you until this year and never really cared for you - I thought you were a stuck-up, high-class, Hollywood prima donna, a diva who used her looks to hook fans.   I was wrong.

Since you took the role of a judge on American Idol, the whole world learned about the real person you are.  You have personality, you care about others, and you're compassionate.  You took your job on the show seriously and professionally.  You let us in to see you as a great mother and wife, as well as someone who nurtured other aspiring singers.  We saw you  work hard and  share your art with a  performance on stage.  I was truly impressed by what I saw two nights a week on Fox.  I think that being a judge was one of the best things you could have done, not only for your career, but  because it showed people the real Jennifer Lopez, not just the persona and facade of the recording artist on stage.

Today, as I surfed the tv channels, I discovered a movie on television that I thought looked mildly interesting.  The blurb on the channel guide said the 2004 movie starred Richard Gere.  To my surprise, I recognized Max from Dancing with the Stars as well as you.  I smiled when I realized Paulina was indeed you, and that you would be dancing in the movie.   I loved your acting in Shall We Dance, plus your character portrayal.  The movie showed me one more side of a talented Jennifer Lopez. 

Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us this past American Idol season.  I'm glad to know you're such a warm, wonderful person -- in my opinion, you're not only classy, but a true star.

                                                                           A new fan