For Twitter’s DRoad1 group:
DRoad1’s group may be interested to know that 20 years ago I was diagnosed with depression. If anyone knows how serious a verbally abusive partner can affect a relationship, then you will understand my bad, second marriage resulted in depression for me. Depression was my mind’s way to handle everything bad.
I saw my family doctor and he referred me to a therapist. I was put on sick leave at work. I didn’t know what to do as I had two children and I wanted what was best for them. The first visit with the therapist made much clear. I needed a divorce.
Worried about telling my children, I discovered they both wonderfully understood. They said, “Mom, you should have done this a long time ago.” They were right.
Once the black clouds descended closer, I discovered writing, indeed, is therapeutic. I took my son to his marching band performance at a Memorial Day parade, and took writing materials. While I waited, I started a poem. I worked on it all weekend. It felt good to write about the depression filling me.
When I gave this poem to a close colleague to read, she said, “Oh, Cindy, it’s wonderful, but this isn’t how you feel, is it?” I said, “Yes, Dale, it is.” She stared at me, and then repeated the same comment, “This isn’t how you really feel, is it?” I had the same answer as before. Much hides inside, so here’s my first poem I gave my friend to read.
Depression
Cindy Sterling
The Dark Knight --
Intensely Male,
Exuding strength and power,
Character and charm beyond compare,
Entices me with his inviting smile,
A smile radiating all the magic of romance.
The Knight extends his arm
Up through the inky, bottomless pit of depression,
Reaching toward me,
Seeking me out,
Beckoning me,
Drawing me closer and closer to his waiting hand,
His arms ready to enfold me,
Slipping into mindless oblivion in the black abyss
With the Dark Knight welcoming me
Would be so simple, ever so easy,
Painless, comforting,
And, above all, peaceful.
With confidence glowing in his eyes,
And gentleness and strength inherent in his touch,
His hand and mine join together
In ageless, unspoken harmony.
I step into the dusky mist,
Which swirls about my ankles
And rises to caress me.
My whispered name on his lips is seduction itself,
Drawn ever nearer by the sweet murmurings,
The melody enthralls me,
And I go willingly into the safety of his arms
Which promise protection from the outside world --
I only want to belong to him.
I feel his muscular hardness pressing against me,
The tenderness in his kiss;
Captivated by his mouth
And by him.
I open my mind to him,
Accepting and trusting him,
The darkness and the warmth envelop me
And I no longer have to think.
